Just a story I’d like to share that goes against the whole cliche that two people can’t be friends after a break-up. It has its ups and downs, but it has a happy ending, I promise(:
Back before 5th grade, my school closed and merged with two other schools. I didn’t know it at the time, but this one boy(his code name will be Al) came to our school to get rid of his life at his old school. He was teased for who he was, so he came to a, literally, completely new school. He changed his real attitude so that people wouldn’t treat him like the others did. He wasn’t in my homeroom, so I didn’t really know him ‘til 6th, when he was in my homeroom, and most of my advanced classes. We had SUCH a love/hate relationship that year. I’d always text him and we trusted each other, but we were always taunting one another. He still helped me through this really awkward crush..erm, obsession with this 7th grade friend of mine, and I helped him with a crush he had, and while he still had a hard time opening up to me, that summer he told me that one reason he was made fun of at his old school was because he dances. I didn’t judge him at all. During that summer and into the fall as well, I liked this other boy(let’s say, Luke). Now, I told Al about Luke and he was trying to help me, but the thing was, Luke liked my one friend(who was going out with my cousin, who was cheating on her..awk) and I tried to help him, and ended up breaking the two up by uncovering my cousin’s misdeeds. But while making my friend free for Luke, I tried to make it look like I didn’t like him still by saying that my friend Al asked me out. Now, at this point, it was October, and Al would randomly be more mean to me and when I asked why, his responses led me to believe he liked me. Along with that, I told my friend and she asked me if he asked me out, would I say yes. I said that I wouldn’t say no… So anyways, when I told Al what I said to Luke, he played it off, and said it was fine. Later that week I was texting Al and wondering what was up with him again. He wound up telling me he liked me and asked me out. Now, this is something I still never told him- I lied. I didn’t know it then, but I lied. The girl who said she liked him back, and yes she’d go out with him, the girl who walked around with him on the playground holding hands and letting him kiss her on the cheek/give her hugs, the girl who responded “I love you too” every time he said/texted it and danced with him at the winter dance, wasn’t really me. It wasn’t what I felt towards him-it was what I felt towards the idea of being in love. So what was the truth? The girl who shared everything with him, her little quirks, her hopes and dreams and ambitions, her deepest fears, her darkest times, her greatest memories, little things that make her happy. And he shared the same. I learned both the light and dark shades of Al, I learned how he adored travel, and loves being able to run super-fast, how he’s won dance competitions before, he was in his elementary school plays and had one best friend there, a girl. This was also when I learned what a big deal his reputation was to him, and about how they(from his old school) used to tease him, and that he still had trouble dealing with that past. Not to mention he’s adopted, and his cousin secretly told me he might actually have siblings in Romania that he’ll never get to grow up with, or possibly even meet. The more I learned about him and vice-versa, the more I realized what a lie it all was and how guilty I felt. I was using him to try to feed my need to feel loved. So I started to try to back out, slowly, because I knew how much he really cared. And I cared too-just in a different way-and didn’t want him hurt(I also NEEDED him). It started with not fully typing out “I love you(too)” when texting him. Then one day he texted me “I love you” and I…just couldn’t. Maybe ten minutes later I decided on a smiley face. He questioned it, I said I was sorry, but I didn’t love him that way, or like him that way really either. We were together for over 3 months, and you could tell how pissed/hurt/confused he was for the next week. He really had no idea that my “feelings” were getting weaker, so it was just like BAM, I don’t like you. But since during the 1st half of 7th grade he became my trusted confidante, I was slowly crumbling while he wasn’t speaking. It was unofficial, but by maybe two months later, without trying to repair(or bring up) the damage, we were past the first tentative step of getting him to trust me again. We became each other’s confidantes again as I fell for that 7th(now 8th) grade friend again, and he tried to slowly piece his real self together. This year-8th grade, was when we really showed each other how close we were(and when our sibling love strengthened). It was November, and we FINALLY buried the harsh relationship hatchet. He knows that I really do love him like a brother and that’s all that matters now-it’s in the past. But this year brought us a LOT of news about each other. Apparently, Al had been diagnosed with some depressive disorder and the medication he had sometimes made him think about killing himself-and apparently, back in fourth grade(FOURTH GRADE!!!), he had tried. He felt trapped, and he vividly told me exactly how it felt, and every now and then, I got scared because I had felt that way for a while too. We shared our thoughts on being lost, on what would happen if one day, we were just gone, and he told me that all these adults told him his future looked bright, but he was staring at his wall, and it was all he could see in his future, a vast emptiness. At this point I wasn’t feeling scared or lost for myself and he flooded my mind. For not the first time, I wrote a song for him, called Sailboats and Anchors. Because he’d always be a sailboat being pulled out to sea by an uncontrollable breeze, and I’d be his anchor, trying to keep him near the shore. I told him about it, and he thanked me so much for trying to help him get though. That night, he told me he loves me again, but this time as a brother, and I said the same. He really is my brother, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s helped me through my one-time mental breakdown(long story), yet ANOTHER horrid love life situation, parent frustrations, and those “what if I’m not ____ enough?” moments. Our relationship is so deep, and even though we’re going to be going to different High Schools and that goodbye is going to be so freaking hard, we won’t really be saying goodbye ‘cause we’ll always be there for those “till 3am” kind of talks where we just let everything off our chests and become even closer. He’s one of my bests friends, my other brother, and I love him so much it’s not even funny.<3
Just thought I should mention this as well-he is now off his medications and isn’t having any more thoughts that make us cry, and I’m so proud of who he is, and if he reads this, I’m sorry if not all my facts are straight(Sorry Z.A.Y. :/ ) <3
tagged as: submission. story. lovestory.